Thursday, April 8, 2010

How much love?

Ultimate Blog Party 2010

Wow! I have to admit that I really have no clue what to say here. Some of you that read this will have met me already and some won't have. I suspect that a few of you will have gotten to know me from a mutual friend and that is great too. There is always more room for friends in my life and my heart is like a balloon. The only difference is that I am fairly certain that it will not pop!

I have not always felt that I was a caring person. The journey to the person I am today was not easy but I got here and I am a better person for it. I have changed so much in the past 16 years that I didn't see the changes that were happening right in front of me. It wasn't until last year that I really realized how different I really was from others. I have spent little time in my life thinking about who I care about, how I care or even why I care. I have only spent time thinking "does that person need something"? And "can I fulfil their need". Those people who wish that they were a little more caring look at people like me and wish that they could be more like me. Don't get me wrong, this is a great way to live your life. But there are still down falls just like there are in every type of life you chose to live, and I say CHOOSE because it really is a choice. For me the biggest down fall would have to be the hurts that come with loving someone. Not everyone wants your love, not everyone understands your love, and not everyone accepts your love. When you love big you set yourself up to hurt big! There have been times in my life where I have cried myself to sleep because I was hurting for a friend or a loved one. I have woken up with red and swollen eyes because someone I loved was hurting or making bad choices and there was nothing I could do for them other then to keep loving them. Sometimes I feel like people don't understand me or think that I am not for real. That can hurt too because I know no other way to be. I do know that there was a time in my life that I wondered if I was even capable of loving someone. My life as a child and teen was so messed up that I thought that my capacity to love was void. I had a husband that I thought I loved and 2 great kids who I wondered if I really loved. Some days I would think that if they were taken away from me I wasn't sure if it would hurt me. I wanted so badly to feel the love that I was meant to feel. The love that I was meant to share. How could I find this love? How could I feel this love? I am a praying woman and that is what I did to find this feeling that I thought should be inside of me. I prayed that God would show me how to love my kids more then I had ever been loved. To love my husband so much that he would never need to seek that love from anyone else. As I talked to God I soon realized that the only way that I was going to be able to love these people in my life was for me to first love myself. Me, the one who was abused, worthless, useless, and unworthy of love. I had to first love the one person who I thought was unlovable before I could love the ones who I thought needed it the most. Let me introduce you to me! I am short and round. I have a very out going personality (not in a good way sometimes) and I am very stubborn. I am the one person that I would probably not get along with if I met myself at an event. Where to start then? Well first I had to find one thing that I really liked about myself and concentrate on that. Have you ever heard that the eyes are the window to your soul? Well in this case they were. I worked on finding out who I was and what my needs were and before I knew it, I liked myself! Once I realized how it felt to like myself I realized that I loved my family and just how real love really felt. It was a gift from God, and it is the gift that keeps on giving. You see the more you love the more you are loved! It is a never ending circle. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog feel free to drop in from time to time. If you do I will make an effort to update more often. Oh and nothing like a party to get the conversation started so go ahead and join the blog party, 5 min for mom's meet you there!

24 comments:

  1. Hi there! Popping in from UBP to be your newest Google Follower-Hooray! Thanks for opening your heart to your readers. I think everyone has felt like this at sometime in their lives. Hope you can swing by my blog! Have a super sunny weekend!

    Bridgette Groschen
    The Groschen Goblins
    www.groschengoblins.com

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  2. Wonderful story! Thank you for sharing. Hope you are having a great time meeting new people through #ubp10!

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  3. YAY! glad to see you back to blogging. happy partying.

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  4. I love to reflect on life too. Totally can relate. Loved this line especially..."someone I loved was hurting or making bad choices and there was nothing I could do for them other then to keep loving them."
    Thanks for entering my giveaway, being a follower and adding my buttons - much appreciated!

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  5. Thanks for sharing. Caring is a great quality for people to have only wish everyone was that way.
    Blog hopping Stop on by http://nightowlmama.blogspot.com

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  6. Stopping by from #UBP10 - my first. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

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  7. I was finally able to come back and return the favor to see your UBP post! First, let me say I love the header photo! So cute. Your thoughts on caring for others and yourself struck me. I sometimes wish it came more naturally for me toe minister to my friends like that, to show them how much they mean and how much I care. But you are right, you have to choose to act caring. Glad I stopped by...enjoy the party!

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  8. WOW - what a raw, honest post! Your header is hilarious and then bam! What an amazing post for UBP! Thanks for visiting me!

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  9. It's so nice to meet you. Popping in from the party....

    It takes a courageous person to admit something that we all have done. There are very few people in the world that could honestly say that they have not hurt someone that they loved. We hurt the ones we love the most.

    I'm a new follower

    Misadventures Of Mom of 3

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  10. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. God's love is amazing and is what we need to be able to love others. Remember...you're so loved by God :)!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog party. By the way, your blog's header is so cute.

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  11. Stopping over from the UBP, and I have to tell you ~ I am floored, this post is just wonderful. Thank you for sharing. Happy Blogging!

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  12. hey stopping by from UBP gonna follow you now!

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  13. Hi Tammy Lee, Thanks for stopping by my blog/UBP post. I'm glad to 'meet' you! I enjoyed reading your heartfelt post and look forward to reading more. Hope you're enjoying the party!

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  14. Happy UBP 2010!

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  15. Thanks for stopping by my blog from UBP! I am a now a follower of yours too :)

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  16. Stopping by from UBP! I'm so glad you stopped by my blog. I look forward to getting to know you a little better and reading more of your blog.

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  17. Hope you are having fun at the party! I love the picture of your doggie!

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  18. Hi!!I am stopping by from UBP! I hope you have a great week! Feel free to some by and say hi :)
    Ann
    http://www.honoringtheking.com
    Good Deals, Coupons, Freebies & A few words of encouragement.

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  19. Thanks for visiting my blog! Happy UBP 2010! :o)

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  20. Hi! I'm poppin' in from #225 on the UBP. I hope you'll be able to get over to my place, too: http://tinahollenbeck.blogspot.com/2010/04/2010-ultimate-blog-party.html.

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  21. Just stopping by from the UBP at Five Minutes for Mom. You have a great site. I would love it if you visited my blog and left me a comment! I'm looking forward to reading more and getting to know you better.

    Cascia
    The Healthy Moms
    http://www.thehealthymoms.net/2010/04/welcome-to-healthy-moms-blog-party.html

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  22. Hi,
    I'm passing through from the Ultimate Blog Party.
    Hope you are enjoying this week.
    Maybe you'll win something.

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  23. Hey, found you through the blog party! I love the background of your blog. Great colors and a fun arrangement. :-) Come visit me sometime! http://LifeMoreSimply.blogspot.com

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  24. Sounds like you're on a journey! Just visiting from UBP '10, feel free to swing by our blog for some peanut butter pie and to enter our giveaway! I can't wait to look around your blog some more. Have a great weekend!

    ~ Michelle @ FTSN

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