How much love?

Wow! I have to admit that I really have no clue what to say here. Some of you that read this will have met me already and some won't have. I suspect that a few of you will have gotten to know me from a mutual friend and that is great too. There is always more room for friends in my life and my heart is like a balloon. The only difference is that I am fairly certain that it will not pop!

I have not always felt that I was a caring person. The journey to the person I am today was not easy but I got here and I am a better person for it. I have changed so much in the past 16 years that I didn't see the changes that were happening right in front of me. It wasn't until last year that I really realized how different I really was from others. I have spent little time in my life thinking about who I care about, how I care or even why I care. I have only spent time thinking "does that person need something"? And "can I fulfil their need". Those people who wish that they were a little more caring look at people like me and wish that they could be more like me. Don't get me wrong, this is a great way to live your life. But there are still down falls just like there are in every type of life you chose to live, and I say CHOOSE because it really is a choice. For me the biggest down fall would have to be the hurts that come with loving someone. Not everyone wants your love, not everyone understands your love, and not everyone accepts your love. When you love big you set yourself up to hurt big! There have been times in my life where I have cried myself to sleep because I was hurting for a friend or a loved one. I have woken up with red and swollen eyes because someone I loved was hurting or making bad choices and there was nothing I could do for them other then to keep loving them. Sometimes I feel like people don't understand me or think that I am not for real. That can hurt too because I know no other way to be. I do know that there was a time in my life that I wondered if I was even capable of loving someone. My life as a child and teen was so messed up that I thought that my capacity to love was void. I had a husband that I thought I loved and 2 great kids who I wondered if I really loved. Some days I would think that if they were taken away from me I wasn't sure if it would hurt me. I wanted so badly to feel the love that I was meant to feel. The love that I was meant to share. How could I find this love? How could I feel this love? I am a praying woman and that is what I did to find this feeling that I thought should be inside of me. I prayed that God would show me how to love my kids more then I had ever been loved. To love my husband so much that he would never need to seek that love from anyone else. As I talked to God I soon realized that the only way that I was going to be able to love these people in my life was for me to first love myself. Me, the one who was abused, worthless, useless, and unworthy of love. I had to first love the one person who I thought was unlovable before I could love the ones who I thought needed it the most. Let me introduce you to me! I am short and round. I have a very out going personality (not in a good way sometimes) and I am very stubborn. I am the one person that I would probably not get along with if I met myself at an event. Where to start then? Well first I had to find one thing that I really liked about myself and concentrate on that. Have you ever heard that the eyes are the window to your soul? Well in this case they were. I worked on finding out who I was and what my needs were and before I knew it, I liked myself! Once I realized how it felt to like myself I realized that I loved my family and just how real love really felt. It was a gift from God, and it is the gift that keeps on giving. You see the more you love the more you are loved! It is a never ending circle. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog feel free to drop in from time to time. If you do I will make an effort to update more often. Oh and nothing like a party to get the conversation started so go ahead and join the blog party, 5 min for mom's meet you there!

PLEASE HELP BY FRIDAY SEPT. 25/09

Is there anyone out there in the blog world that can help me? I have taken our family pictures for this year and I ended up with about 300 of just my kids. I was able to widdle it down to 81 pictures but I still need to decrease more. I have 4 beautiful picture frames that I keep my family photos in (1 for each individual pose and 1 for a family pose) and 2 years ago I bought a rustic frame with 4 spots in it. I plan to change out the pictures in both sets of frames but can not decide which ones to pick. I have posted them on facebook so please have a look and pick the ones that you want to be the winner. I sure hope you can help because if not i may have to change the pictures every few weeks. Here are a few pictures to wet the appetite

Another fun day for a visit!

Today CJ came for a visit and what a fun day we had. I asked LaDonna to get CJ to call before she came to help me plan the day. Well she did call but didn't really have anything special that she wanted to do. Mom and CJ snuck out of the house and headed to my house so as not to end up with tears from the other kids (especially W) on the way home. We started the day with breakfast! I had cut up some cantaloupe for my three kids that had already left for public school. When CJ was offered it her responce was YUM! Once breakfast was out of the way it was right into playtime! Coloring was allot of fun especially when the markers have two tips, one on either end. CJ was very careful not to push too hard and wreck the good markers. Jewel was looking for someone to play with and with V at school she takes every opportunity to play that she can. It didn't take much to get CJ into a tug of war game and oh what fun it was. Polly pockets were the next order of business for the day. There was a little bit of trouble putting the clothes on because they are made of rubber, but after a while there was success! No matter how hard we tried we couldn't find a Polly with a magnet in her head and the wig we had wouldn't stay on without it. As we spent time together and chatted I remembered that I needed to get some stuff done in V's room so we packed up the Pollies and headed into the room. There was sure allot more room to play on the bed! Looking around at all the fun toys in V's room made it too tempting to play with just one thing though so away went the Pollies and out came the Barbies. CJ informed me that they didn't have very many Barbies any more as a little boy at the camp fire wrecked them. She isn't very sure if she likes him too much! Lunch was soon creeping close and it was time to decide on what to have. The choices were large but to narrow it down to what kids really like was the trick. Kraft dinner? "no", she didn't really want that. ravioli? "What are they"? "They might be ok"! Pancakes? "Mom doesn't make them very much an they are yummy"? So pancakes it was with a smiley face done in chocolate chips, a little dash of syrup and a glass of chocolate milk and our tummies were full. After lunch the phone rang. It was mom, was she calling already to have CJ come home? Nope her sister K had requested a song on the all request lunch and we needed to turn on the radio. We enjoyed the song by Carrie Underwood then back to work. Math seemed like a good thing to do while our food digested. some of the questions were tricky but we worked together to find the answers. Next we pulled out the stamp. Lots of colors and lots of different pictures to make. Oops! we almost forgot to wash them up after using them. Soon we heard a noise at the end of the drive way. Guess who was home! V was off the bus and it was a great time for make up and a visit. V had big plans to go horse back riding though and her ride was there before we knew it. V doesn't play with baby dolls any more but there are still some in the house, which was great because CJ really wanted to play with them. Out came the cradle and baby stuff and the new mommy had a blast. Time to clean up, and get ready to go as well. Cj was happy to come and happy to go home to see her sisters and brother too. Thanks CJ for the fun day!

A day with my friend.

Today I had a little friend over and we played the whole day. First we went to Auntie B's house to do a few errands and played in the basement with the toys. It was kind of hard to leave because of all the neat things there but with the promise of a cookie and some more fun off we went to the van. The drive brought lots of chatter and questions, what a fun ride! When we got to my house we got out and it was play time right away. Our tummies soon were hungry though and we needed to stop for something to eat. Peanut butter sandwiches were on the menu and some apple juice. Oops! We didn't keep a close eye on them and soon the dogs had some lunch too. Since all the other kids were at school Jewel was lonely and W was the perfect solution for her loneliness today. It was so much fun snuggling with her and playing soccer, but soon Coco took the ball and it was time for something else. Jumping on the trampoline is so much fun to do and to watch. Giggles are the best sound ever and the trampoline brought them on. There are lots of truck and things to ride on. It's a good thing that we had a longer time to visit because there was so much to do. After a while W was wondering where his family was. He asked for his big sisters and asked for his mom. I asked him if it was time to go home and if he was missing them but he wanted no part of that yet. A quick call to mom and it was play time again. I feel I need to remind you that W is just a little boy and at this time in his life he is working on finding spots for all of his new teeth. And we all know that with teeth comes drool and with drool sometime comes a little tummy trouble and with tummy trouble come a messy bottom area. We had to take a few breaks from playing to tidy up and on one such occasion we noticed unbeknown to both of us that W had an boo-boo. There had been no tears at all till we noticed and then when we saw the blood the tears came! The only problem was that the blood had already dried so We knew it didn't really hurt. A wet cloth, little chat and a band aide and all was OK. We decided that after that it was time to have a snack but we didn't feel like feeding the dogs again so we put on a movie and had an apple. The cars in the house were just sitting in the toy basket and no one was playing with them and W thought that they might be lonely too so out they came to have some fun. It was starting to get close to the time when W had to go home. How would we get out the door with out tears? Well we packed up the cars from the house and took them for a ride in the van to keep us company. The ride home was kind of quiet because W was a little tired and didn't really want to go home. We got home and W hopped out of the Van things seemed good until he noticed that his car seat had come out too. Stretched out face down on the lawn seemed the best way to show his protest. In for a quick visit and then gone again to get ready to feed the farm hands. What a fun day. Thanks W for the fun time, come again soon.

another early morning.

Today I was up again at 6:00 am to see 7 of to work. I didn't have any requests for cookies this morning but I did end up sending the kids off to school with fresh baked cookies in their lunches. Here is the recipe.

Double Dutch Chocolate cookies

2 1/2 cup marg

4 cups sugar

4 eggs

4 tsp vanilla

4 cups flour

1 1/2 cup coco ( I only add 1 cup as we are not real big chocolate lovers here)

2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

2 1/2 cups of chocolate chips ( we like the white chocolate chips)

spoon onto a pan and bake at 350*c for 8 to 9 min

let cool for a few min before removing from pan

ENJOY!

with this recipe we didn't have enough white chocolate chip so we mixed them with dark. We have also used caramel chunks and crazins as well. you can spice it up however you like. Macadamia nut are also great!

Our Youngest Blessing

Every little girl needs her horse and our cowgirl love hers.

A girls best friend!

Just kidding around. She is a real fun kid.

Soccer is the only sport she likes to play. She sure wishes the season was longer.

Yet another side of our Girl. This is a picture that I will treasure for years to come.

VG our Not so little cowgirl. She loves pink and so do I. This is one of my fav pics of the summer.

Money saving ideas anyone??

I really want to stay at home and take care of my family. I have almost always worked in some capacity our married life. Sometimes it was babysitting, sometimes it was painting for a friend. The past few years I have not been home much at all.

To me being a stay at home mom means finding ways to save money. I have been trying to bake lunch snacks instead of buying them. I also learned to make jam this year and have enough to last us for the winter. I have been trying to get into a routine at home so that I don't feel over whelmed. When the kids were little I use to do a big bake. I would make at least 6 different snacks and I would make 4 times the amount of each recipe. By the end there would be no room left in my freezer. This took the whole day and left alot of clean up. I never let the kids help me on these days as they would slow me down. Looking back at that it makes me kind of sad. I am realizing how important it is to slow down and spend time with my kids.

7 really wanted peanut butter cookies and I was busy making pizza for the kids lunches and lasagna for supper the next day. I didn't get the cookies done before bed so I put all the ingredients into a bowl (except the eggs) covered it up and left it for the morning. He gets up at about 6:00 am so I set my alarm to wake just before him, got up and by the time he got out of the shower there was fresh baked peanut butter cookies for him. I felt really good sending him off to work that way.

If you are reading this and have any suggestions on how to save money as a SAHM please pass them on this way.